A Modern Mexican Woman
Yesterday afternoon V, our former teacher and friend, came to visit. V is about 33. Barry and I met her at the first Spanish school we attended in Guanajuato, on our first visit here in 1999. Since then we have followed her from school to school. (One of my axioms in Spanish learning is to be loyal to the teacher, not the school). But we've seen less of her over the last couple of years' visits, because she started teaching English in the city of Leon, about half an hour away, got married, and moved to a "fraccionamiento" (subdivision) in the suburbs. Married life in Mexico demands a lot of women and women's time. But we called anyway, hoping to see her, and she agreed.
It turned out she knew our house, or at least the first floor, because when she was a young girl, her family moved to Guanajuato from Mexico City. They lived at the top of the street, and she had a schoolfriend who lived here.
We sat and talked where we always do, at the large kitchen window (no glass yet) among all the construction materials, with the view of San Francisco Church that motivated me to buy the house. Barry asked if she was enjoying married life. "About 85% of the time," she said, which we thought was a pretty good percentage for the second year. (Our answer to the question "what is the secret to a happy, long-term marriage?" is: "skip the first year!")
"But," she went on, "I miss my parents, and--" she giggled guiltily--"my single life." Then she said, "I have a confession: a few weeks ago I was very depressed. I cried and cried and told my husband I wanted to die." She had been sick with various infirmities, which meant she couldn't get pregnant, and she was lonely. She works, but her husband works all the time because he is in the start-up phase of setting up an independent accounting business. They come home for the traditional Mexican extended lunch between about 3:00 and 5:00 p.m., the main meal of the day, but then he goes back to work til late, and she's alone a lot.
But last Friday, she told us, she and two neighbor moms got together one evening and drank vodka and brandy and opened up to each other. "We are like a club now," she laughed."We were very open with each other. They told me they thought before that I was stuck up and always in a hurry, rushing in and out of the house." Now, she said, she feels less lonely.
I told her about the recent studies showing that women's friendships and support systems are one reason why women tend to be healthier and live longer.
I reminded her of a time I saw her in the Jardin (the town plaza) all dressed up, looking very sexy, talking to some guy, probably her future husband. She remembered, too. "I was wearing the suit I wore to the civil ceremony," she said. In Mexico, a marriage has two parts: the civil ceremony, which takes place first, and the church ceremony. Sometimes these two events are divided by a long stretch of time. In another teacher's case, it was six months. And the marriage isn't official until both ceremonies are completed.
"So can a couple have sex after they've had the civil ceremony, or do they have to wait til the church ceremony?" Barry asked.
"They have to wait," V said.
"I bet they don't," I said.
V went into peals of girlish laughter. "No, of course they don't!"
"I bet they don't wait for the civil ceremony, either," I said. More laughter.
She really is a lot of fun. Because she's on vacation from her English teaching job, she has extra time, and she agreed to give us private classes three times a week at the house. We asked her what her price was.
"Whatever you say."
This is typical Mexican. From my American point of view, they need assertiveness training. I said, "If you want to open a Spanish language school (which she does), you'll have to set rates. You can't have student after student coming in and asking what the price is, and you saying, 'Whatever you say.'"
"I know," she said, hesitating. "OK. I was thinking 80 pesos, if that works for you."
Funny, that was the number I had in my mind. This is slightly less than $8/hour. Teachers in the schools around here get an abysmal $3 to $4/hour.
Barry and I are proud of her for setting a price. Classes start Wednesday. I'm looking forward to more conversations with my modern Mexican woman friend.
It turned out she knew our house, or at least the first floor, because when she was a young girl, her family moved to Guanajuato from Mexico City. They lived at the top of the street, and she had a schoolfriend who lived here.
We sat and talked where we always do, at the large kitchen window (no glass yet) among all the construction materials, with the view of San Francisco Church that motivated me to buy the house. Barry asked if she was enjoying married life. "About 85% of the time," she said, which we thought was a pretty good percentage for the second year. (Our answer to the question "what is the secret to a happy, long-term marriage?" is: "skip the first year!")
"But," she went on, "I miss my parents, and--" she giggled guiltily--"my single life." Then she said, "I have a confession: a few weeks ago I was very depressed. I cried and cried and told my husband I wanted to die." She had been sick with various infirmities, which meant she couldn't get pregnant, and she was lonely. She works, but her husband works all the time because he is in the start-up phase of setting up an independent accounting business. They come home for the traditional Mexican extended lunch between about 3:00 and 5:00 p.m., the main meal of the day, but then he goes back to work til late, and she's alone a lot.
But last Friday, she told us, she and two neighbor moms got together one evening and drank vodka and brandy and opened up to each other. "We are like a club now," she laughed."We were very open with each other. They told me they thought before that I was stuck up and always in a hurry, rushing in and out of the house." Now, she said, she feels less lonely.
I told her about the recent studies showing that women's friendships and support systems are one reason why women tend to be healthier and live longer.
I reminded her of a time I saw her in the Jardin (the town plaza) all dressed up, looking very sexy, talking to some guy, probably her future husband. She remembered, too. "I was wearing the suit I wore to the civil ceremony," she said. In Mexico, a marriage has two parts: the civil ceremony, which takes place first, and the church ceremony. Sometimes these two events are divided by a long stretch of time. In another teacher's case, it was six months. And the marriage isn't official until both ceremonies are completed.
"So can a couple have sex after they've had the civil ceremony, or do they have to wait til the church ceremony?" Barry asked.
"They have to wait," V said.
"I bet they don't," I said.
V went into peals of girlish laughter. "No, of course they don't!"
"I bet they don't wait for the civil ceremony, either," I said. More laughter.
She really is a lot of fun. Because she's on vacation from her English teaching job, she has extra time, and she agreed to give us private classes three times a week at the house. We asked her what her price was.
"Whatever you say."
This is typical Mexican. From my American point of view, they need assertiveness training. I said, "If you want to open a Spanish language school (which she does), you'll have to set rates. You can't have student after student coming in and asking what the price is, and you saying, 'Whatever you say.'"
"I know," she said, hesitating. "OK. I was thinking 80 pesos, if that works for you."
Funny, that was the number I had in my mind. This is slightly less than $8/hour. Teachers in the schools around here get an abysmal $3 to $4/hour.
Barry and I are proud of her for setting a price. Classes start Wednesday. I'm looking forward to more conversations with my modern Mexican woman friend.
posted by Louisa at 5:22 AM
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