How to Say No in Mexico?
A couple of days ago I finally made it over to my neighbor R's house to visit. She arrived at the door on the phone, very distracted. She got off the phone, and, barely greeting me, said she needed someone to carry a stove to her cousin's house, it was urgent. Could she borrow our workers?
Her abruptness worried me. It would be so simple at home. I'd just say, "Is everything OK?" I'm a little uneasy being so straightforward here. And it bugged me that she wanted to use our workers, for the second time.
R offered to sell me her elderly stove back in January. I took a brief look at it, though it was hard to inspect because it was covered with a pile of towels and linens, and said tentatively yes (that is, I saw my response as tentative, it turned out she interpreted it as a definite yes). A month later she dropped off the stove at the house while we were in California. I wasn't very happy to hear this when T, our friend and "project manager" while we were away, wrote me that a stove had arrived unannounced on our doorstep. I was afraid I might be stuck with it.
Happily, when I arrived this time, R told me that her niece was buying a house in Guanajuato, and if I didn't want the stove, she would take it back. When I looked closer at the stove I saw that the burners were missing and would have to be replaced. I'd rather get a new stove down the road; we don't need one right away because we bought a rangetop and don't use an oven very often.
When I politely refused the stove, R asked if our albaniles (workers) could carry it up the street to her house, and she'd pay them. I hesitated. The workers don't work for us; they work for David, our architect, and I think it's important to respect the system of working. This wasn't like Barry asking them for something related to the house (like moving the gas cylinder). So I called David and he said it was OK, that they could carry it during their lunch break, he would inform the maestro (foreman).
It's OK, once, I guess. I assume she paid them, I never asked.
But now I stood on R's doorstep, and she kept murmuring, "This is urgent, this is urgent," and she asked me again if she could use the albaniles to carry this damn stove to her cousin's house.
"Well, maybe during their lunch break," I demurred. This was my way of saying no. It is very difficult to say no in Mexico. She kept looking up and down the street for a couple of husky guys, murmuring how urgent it was. It was about 10:00 a.m., and lunch break was four hours away. I was pretty sure she was hoping I would change my mind, but I said nothing. I was struck more by her lack of greeting me. Was she just distracted, or was she being less polite because I had failed to greet her on the phone when I asked for D, my Canadian friend who rents a room from her?
Her abruptness worried me. It would be so simple at home. I'd just say, "Is everything OK?" I'm a little uneasy being so straightforward here. And it bugged me that she wanted to use our workers, for the second time.
R offered to sell me her elderly stove back in January. I took a brief look at it, though it was hard to inspect because it was covered with a pile of towels and linens, and said tentatively yes (that is, I saw my response as tentative, it turned out she interpreted it as a definite yes). A month later she dropped off the stove at the house while we were in California. I wasn't very happy to hear this when T, our friend and "project manager" while we were away, wrote me that a stove had arrived unannounced on our doorstep. I was afraid I might be stuck with it.
Happily, when I arrived this time, R told me that her niece was buying a house in Guanajuato, and if I didn't want the stove, she would take it back. When I looked closer at the stove I saw that the burners were missing and would have to be replaced. I'd rather get a new stove down the road; we don't need one right away because we bought a rangetop and don't use an oven very often.
When I politely refused the stove, R asked if our albaniles (workers) could carry it up the street to her house, and she'd pay them. I hesitated. The workers don't work for us; they work for David, our architect, and I think it's important to respect the system of working. This wasn't like Barry asking them for something related to the house (like moving the gas cylinder). So I called David and he said it was OK, that they could carry it during their lunch break, he would inform the maestro (foreman).
It's OK, once, I guess. I assume she paid them, I never asked.
But now I stood on R's doorstep, and she kept murmuring, "This is urgent, this is urgent," and she asked me again if she could use the albaniles to carry this damn stove to her cousin's house.
"Well, maybe during their lunch break," I demurred. This was my way of saying no. It is very difficult to say no in Mexico. She kept looking up and down the street for a couple of husky guys, murmuring how urgent it was. It was about 10:00 a.m., and lunch break was four hours away. I was pretty sure she was hoping I would change my mind, but I said nothing. I was struck more by her lack of greeting me. Was she just distracted, or was she being less polite because I had failed to greet her on the phone when I asked for D, my Canadian friend who rents a room from her?
posted by Louisa at 7:27 PM
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