Rumblings

I said to two friends of mine recently, only partly in jest, "After expats finish working on their houses, what do they do here?" (This assumes, of course, that people finish working on their houses. In many cases, that doesn't happen. Ongoing "arreglos" on the house become part of the landscape).

I can't figure out what our life here is really going to be. Making inroads into friendships with Mexican women seems a slow process.

There are two big volunteer projects here: Amigos de los Animales, which offers support to Guanajuato's huge number of stray animals; and a domestic-violence shelter. Neither of those organizations draw me much. I am sorry about abused women and abused animals, but neither issue is where my heart lies.

Among the gringos, there's a craft group, a bridge club, a wine-tasting club. Nope.

I keep following nudges. I called a woman who leads a breast cancer support group. I'm interested in body issues, healing, mortality, support, and facilitation, so this sounds promising. She sounded very happy to hear from me, and asked me to call her the last week of July. Of course, I leave Guanajuato on July 30. (Sigh!) I called another woman, who I have met before, someone who coordinates workshops for people with cancer and their families. I invited her to have coffee. She asked me to call her back next week.

I have the same frustration here as I do in the States. I find out about a person/group that sounds interesting and call them. Usually I could meet that very day. They never can, of course. Not only are they unavailable, they often don't even want to set the date yet. It just seems to take forever.

I am applying for my work visa, but I'm not sure how commited I am to working here; it's more that I want to keep my options open.

I spend a lot of my days here moving physically, either hiking or walking around getting things done. Of course I love movement, so this is one of the great draws of Guanajuato. But I can't build my whole day around movement. Or can I?

I keep plugging away at Spanish. I have a new tutor, a funny, eccentric, old-fashioned man in his late fifties. But even with Spanish, I do wonder: for what practical reason am I hoping to better myself? I can navigate fine with the Spanish I have.

Guanajuato is an ideal place to work on a book. And my blog writing does flow much more here than in Eureka. These last two weeks on my own here, without Barry, have felt very much like a retreat. Is that what it will be for us? It's a great retreat environment, though a costly one if you consider airfares. We have chosen to live in a remote and not very accessible part of the USA, and an equally not very accessible part of Mexico!

I have all these rumblings, and then I decide, well, sufficient unto the day. Today's task is to support Girardo, our tile layer, in furthering the tiling of the downstairs rooms.

Every once in a great while, I worry: oh dear, has the Guanajuato project been a mistake? Investing all this time, money, commitment in this house, and then -- what if we don't spend much time here? Barry takes a larger view. He says, "It'll be what it'll be. Maybe we won't spend that much time here. That's OK, too." And if all else fails, it is a good investment.

In the past, I have felt guilty and even defensive admitting I wasn't sure about Mexico, and awkward that I spent more time in California (or traveling elsewhere) than in Mexico. It's silly. I keep reminded myself that the lock of focus I feel here, which I also struggle with in Eureka, is a situation I face, not a moral failing.